Among the many different types of traumatic experiences we can have, is betrayal trauma. This is a type of trauma that happens in our interpersonal relationships.
One of the cornerstones of intimate relationships and deep connections is trust. When our trust is broken, when we are betrayed or hurt by someone close to us, it can create some emotional wounds. As a licensed trauma therapist based in California, I've witnessed firsthand the devastating impacts of betrayal trauma on my clients.
If you've experienced this kind of trauma, you may know how difficult these wounds can be to heal and how they can impact our other relationships (even the relationship we have with ourselves). Let's explore the nuances, effects, and some tips on navigating healing.
What is 'Betrayal Trauma'?
Betrayal trauma is a form of psychological trauma that happens when someone we trust violates that trust, often in a significant way. This breach of trust can take various forms:
Infidelity
Deception
Dishonesty
Emotional abuse or neglect
Physical abuse
This can happen in our romantic relationships, in our friendships, and even in our relationships with family members.
When we have a close relationship with someone, it involves some level of trust that they will uphold the spoken or unspoken 'agreements' of the relationship. As adults, we have more choice on who we have relationships with. For many, betrayal trauma's may have first occurred in relationships with their caregivers, parents, and families.
As children, we don't have as much autonomy or say in the types of relationships we have with the people that are responsible for taking care of us and ensuring our safety. Early on, we are taking in all the information we can to understand how to have relationships with other people and what relationships, closeness, and trust mean.
When we experienced betrayal trauma, and how many times we've experienced it are layers that can compound the emotional wounds that it results in.
Emotional Impacts on Survivors
The impact of betrayal trauma can be profound and far-reaching, affecting every aspect of an individual's life. In my practice, I've observed how betrayal trauma can shatter's someone's sense of safety, erode their sense of self and self-worth, and undermine not just their trust in other people, but their trust in themselves.
Symptoms of this betrayal of trust can manifest as intense emotional distress, including anger, sadness, anxiety, stress, shock, grief, and cognitive distortions like intrusive or looping thoughts.
For some, you may notice feeling preoccupied with the betrayal and find that it's hard to think of much else, or feel that things keep reminding you of what happened. You may notice nightmares or even things that set off your distress (potentially triggers in relationships or how others talk about relationships).
Experiencing betrayal trauma can create or increase symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. All of these symptoms can feel really isolating and can make it harder for individuals to get support as there may be fears of being misunderstood or judged.
The Difficulties with Trust
Trust is something that is built in relationships, it doesn't just instantly appear, it's built with time. We often need to see consistency, honesty, and to feel safe in order to trust someone deeply. After all, placing our trust in someone's hands can be a very vulnerable thing to do. A great deal of how we view relationships and trust is also built by our experiences in relationships.
So, when trust is broken it can be disorienting. How can I trust them now? What's to say this doesn't happen again? How could I let this happen? It is in our nature to try to protect ourselves in some way, to ensure that when we're wounded it doesn't happen again. This can make rebuilding trust difficult.
A core part of healing is the process of rebuilding trust, both in oneself and in others. Even though the betrayal happened in a relationship that we have with someone else, it can cause a rupture in the relationship that we have with with ourselves.
As a therapist, I often see that relationship would can bring up negative beliefs. This can look like the belief of:
Not being enough
Not being worthy
Abandonment
Not being lovable
Being damaged
Having done something wrong / fault
Not being able to trust yourself
Not being able to trust others
That you don't deserve good things
Being a failure
Through therapy, clients can learn how to cultivate self-compassion, process these experiences and negative beliefs, set healthy boundaries, and navigate the complexities of interpersonal relationships with greater confidence and self-trust.
Healing from Betrayal Trauma
Healing from betrayal trauma is a multifaceted process that involves patience, courage, and supports. In my work with clients, I employ a holistic approach to trauma therapy, incorporating nervous system regulation techniques, brainspotting to assist in processing the trauma and difficult emotions, and self-compassion. I tailor treatment plans to meet the unique needs of each individual and foster a safe and supportive environment for healing to unfold.
The process of healing isn't linear, which means that things don't always continue to trend upwards in a smooth way, and every part of the process is important. While healing may be challenging and varies for everyone, it's also filled with opportunities for growth and transformation.
So, what kind of support may be helpful?
Support groups are space where other individuals have a shared experience and while each person's specific experience will vary, you're in a safe place where there is more understanding than friends and family can always offer.
Individual therapy is a space for you to work through your specific experience, learn ways to manage symptoms, process difficult emotions and the layers of trauma, build self-awareness, and begin to reconnect with your sense of self and reclaim a sense of agency.
Self-care practices are a support that I would recommend to anyone, especially in addition to other types of support. Sometimes it's as simple as making sure that your basic needs are cared for; nourishing meals, water intake, adequate sleep. This can also look like stress management; movement and exercise, breathwork, acupuncture, time spent grounding outdoors, and co-regulating with safe people and animals.
Betrayal trauma is a deeply painful experience and it's not insurmountable. As a licensed trauma therapist in California, I care about providing compassionate support and guidance to individuals experiencing a wide array of traumatic experiences. You're not alone and there are so many paths to healing.
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If you've experienced betrayal trauma and are interested in creating the space for yourself to heal, reach out today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.
Take care out there.
Hi there. I’m Gabrielle Kawashima, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Brainspotting Therapist. I have a passion for working with childhood and complex trauma, people who've learned to prioritize others over themselves (helpers), and working with emergency and first responders. If you’re interested in working with me, click below to set up a free consultation (:
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