Understanding Childhood Trauma and Emotional Neglect - How It Shapes Us As Adults
- Gabrielle Kawashima, LPCC
- Feb 20
- 3 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
It's a nice thought that things that happen in the past, stay in the past. The issue is that it's not true. As children especially, we are very vulnerable and easily shaped both by the things that happen to us and the things that don't.
Childhood trauma and emotional neglect leave lasting imprints on the brain, body, and emotional well-being. Many adults who have experienced it can struggle with anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, or a pervasive sense of emptiness without knowing that these are rooted in early experiences. As a licensed trauma therapist, I often see how unresolved childhood wounds manifest later in life. We'll talk about what childhood trauma and emotional neglect are, how they can shape us as adults, and why recognizing these patterns and signs is an important first step to changing them.
What is Childhood Trauma?
There are things that many of us think of as childhood trauma, physical or sexual abuse, witnessing or experiencing domestic violence, loss of a parent or caregiver, living in an unstable or chaotic home, etc. There are more nuanced things that can result in trauma too:
Feeling like you aren't understood
Feeling like your caregivers actions or moods are unpredictable
A caregiver putting you down, insulting you, criticizing you
Not being shown how to move through your emotions in a healthy way
A caregiver minimizing your experiences or your emotions
Feeling like no one loved you or that you weren't special
Being given adult responsibilities as a child
Feeling responsible for the emotions of adults
Dealing with a long term or chronic illness in childhood
Prejudice, discrimination, or being 'othered'
And more.
What is Emotional Neglect?
Some of the experiences that can result in trauma are the lack of things that we needed, emotional neglect is just that, the lack of necessary emotional support and nurturing. A few of the common signs of emotional neglect are listed above. We all need to feel important, we need to feel worthy of being listened to, worthy of being believed, worthy of someone being invested in our experiences, and we need a caregiver who is able to regulate their own emotions enough that they can hold space for ours.
I appreciate the way that Dr. Gabor Maté describes this:
So, how could unresolved trauma be interfering with your life?
How Childhood Trauma and Emotional Neglect Can Affect Us in Adulthood
Unresolved trauma and neglect can manifest in a few ways. As a trauma therapist, some of the most common complaints that I hear are:
Difficulty trusting other people or building healthy intimate relationships
A pattern of prioritizing the needs and emotions of other people before themselves
Ongoing anxiety and depressive symptoms typically beginning in early / middle / or late childhood (for some, they show up after the next significant traumatizing experience)
People pleasing and difficulties with conflict or disappointing others
Low self-worth, chronic self-doubt, or quite a lot of self-criticism
Low tolerance to stress / larger reactions to situations
Difficulty regulating emotions or difficulty identifying emotions
Feeling disconnected, gaps in memory, or 'zoning out' easily
Relational or situational triggers (for example; yelling, being ignored, uncertainty)
Negative beliefs about yourself or about other people
Patterns of avoidance and resistance (often avoiding thoughts or feelings)
Distressing thoughts or memories popping up whenever (sometimes dreams too)
Recognizing some of the signs of unresolved trauma is often the first step to really being able to do something about it. If some of these resonate with you, or remind you of someone you know, working with a trauma therapist that specializes in childhood and complex trauma may be beneficial.
If you're looking to do a deeper dive, I would recommend checking out these other posts:
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If you're interested in individual therapy (and you live in California), reach out today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. I would love to see if we are the right fit for each other, and if not, support you in finding the therapist that is right for you.
Take care out there.
Hi there. I’m Gabrielle Kawashima, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Certified Brainspotting Therapist. I have a passion for working with childhood and complex trauma, people who've learned to prioritize others over themselves (helpers), and working with emergency and first responders. If you’re interested in working with me, click below to set up a free consultation (:
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